I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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