I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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