hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
