Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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