Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
