i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
