My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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