Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
two words: eviction party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
