everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
