I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
