tell your sister to shave her snatch
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
