Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
