Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize