Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
