Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
