What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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