dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
