my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
