I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
