The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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