Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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