dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
