Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
