Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
