i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
