I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize