She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I deserve this hangover.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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