The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
