I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize