OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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