Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
