he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
