so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
