If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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