i think my mom watched the whole time
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He shit in the fireplace
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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