Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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