I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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