I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
