were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
