I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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