He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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