shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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