dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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