I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
