Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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