im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
