Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
