Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
