my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
