sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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