Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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