Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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