weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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