i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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