First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
