K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
