She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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