i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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