Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize