Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
