I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
