i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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