Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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