my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize