I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
barbara walters just said penis...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
