Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
