I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
