you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
