At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
