I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
